Published On: Mon, Jan 7th, 2013

What’s next for the War on Terror?

2013 sees the release of Zero Dark Thirty, Kathryn Bigelow’s Oscar tipped dramatization of the hunt for Osama bin Laden. As Hollywood looks back on the War On Terror’s biggest win to date, we’re looking forward, at where the next potential headline-hitting raid may occur. Who’s next on the Navy SEALs’ hitlist? Here’s the speculative Hard-Copy rundown…

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad



Who is he?

The current President of Iran, disliked by the West for his advancement of Iran’s nuclear program, open hatred of Israel, and hardline Islamist views.


Why him?

Ahmadinejad’s second term (which he is strongly suspected of winning by illegitimate means) is up in August of this year, and he’s not eligible to stand for a second. If he’s going to do anything crazy with those secret nukes of his, he’s got to do it within the next few months.  Western leaders have been umming and ahhhing about Iran for a while now – if Ahmadinejad were to do anything reckless (wiping Israel off the map, for instance), it would surely force the West into action.



Kim Jong-un

Kim Jung Un


Who is he?

Oh, like you don’t know. The fat son of the bad guy from Team America, and Time Magazine Man of the Year for those who enjoy internet warfare, who inherited North Korea from him and now rules with an iron – albeit chubby – fist.


Why him?

He rules the most totalitarian, autocratic dictatorship in the world, where people starve to death without ever knowing that there’s a better world outside the walls. He has done little to nothing to curb North Korea’s bad habits of missile testing, nuke stroking, and generally trash-talking the South. Then again, his father acted that way all his life, and the West didn’t lift a finger.



Bashar al-Assad




Who is he?

The president of Syria, Bashar al-Assad enjoys walks by the beach, reading by firelight, and committing unspeakable atrocities against his own people on a daily basis. He also looks a bit like Beaker from the Muppets.


Why him?

Well, the Syrian civil war is already well underway and could well end up going the way of Libya. Of course, this is an internal conflict, which means Assad is much more likely to get his by way of a Gaddafi-style lynch mob than by assassination. However, Western military intervention has been on the cards for a while now, and can never be ruled out – if it were to come to that, it would surely spell the end for Assad.



Alex Salmond




Who is he?

Scotland’s First Minister, leader of the SNP, fervent nationalist. Big fat guy. Looks like John Prescott was spliced with an inquisitive gerbil, then kicked in the face.


Why him?

Okay, stay with me here. The year is 2014. The Scottish independence referendum has just been held, and it’s a no. The people have spoken, the Union remains, and there’s very little purpose for Salmond to exist any more. Heartbroken, and with his life’s passion rejected by the people, he seeks a new path to realize his dream of an independent Scotland. No more parliamentary debates, no more PR campaigns, no more voting – just AK47s and pickup trucks. Alex Salmond turns to domestic terrorism, and begins fighting a guerilla war against the United Kingdom, in the hopes of becoming a modern day Mel Gibson and liberating his beloved Scotland from what he sees as an oppressive Westminster regime.

This is definitely a future that those that fight the war on terror (and those that make Hollywood blockbusters) need to consider.


Words: John Sheppard